| Separation anxiety is relatively common. | | | | experiences. |
| Separation anxiety can show up in various | | | | What parents can do about separation anxiety? |
| situations, such as: | | | | 1) Don't put your kids on medication. |
| Leaving kids at school or daycare. | | | | I have seen this fail time and time again. This is |
| Kids getting on the school bus. | | | | not a situation where kids need medication. It is |
| Saying goodbye at the babysitter.Transition | | | | not the source of the problem. |
| between households after divorce. | | | | It's not that they are making up their emotions. |
| Going to bed upstairs when Mom & Dad are | | | | It's simply that they have come to believe that |
| downstairs | | | | they can't handle something...that they really can |
| The root cause of such anxiety is difficult to | | | | handle. Medication will only become a crutch, and |
| know with absolute certainty. However, we do | | | | their anxiety will ultimately intensify as the child's |
| know that a number of different circumstances | | | | environment is still working to reinforce their |
| can contribute to kids experiencing separation | | | | anxiety. |
| anxiety. | | | | 2) Get your child out of your emotions. |
| 1. Increased general anxiety tends to contribute | | | | Make sure that your fears and worries have not |
| to separation anxiety. | | | | become your child's fears and worries. If you're |
| If a child is going through a stressful time, which | | | | concerned about them going to school, or how |
| may be due to a change in schools, friendships, | | | | they're going to handle situations after a divorce, |
| homes, parental functioning, or any other events | | | | you have to deal with this fear and anxiety on |
| that increases their overall anxiety; then this | | | | your own. |
| would be a time when they would be more | | | | Don't bring these feelings into conversations with |
| vulnerable to separation anxiety. | | | | your children, because you'll communicate that |
| 2. The more overprotected...the more vulnerable. | | | | they have a reason to be afraid and worry. |
| When parents overprotect children, they have not | | | | 3) Start believing..."They can handle it!" |
| been allowed to experience upsets without being | | | | This is a plain and simple fact. Your child can |
| rescued from those upsets. This is one of the | | | | handle going to school. Your child can handle being |
| hallmark features of the overprotectived child, | | | | left at daycare. Your child can handle going to |
| and thus parents are unintentionally nurturing a | | | | Dad's house.... or going back to Mom's house. |
| weaker sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. | | | | Your kids can handle it. Keep that in your mind at |
| 3. Parents who over-react to their children's | | | | all times. You will be amazed at how your actions |
| anxiety promote separation anxiety. | | | | and beliefs shape the underlying beliefs of your |
| Some parents are highly sensitized to every | | | | children. The more that you give them the |
| emotional reaction of their child. When their child is | | | | confidence that they can handle something that |
| upset, they tend to impute a level of emotional | | | | they, in fact, must handle.... the more quickly their |
| distress consistent with what an adult would feel. | | | | anxiety will disappear. |
| This is simply not accurate, and it leads to parents | | | | 4) Make transitions short and sweet. |
| over-reacting to the slightest upsets on the part | | | | The most significant mistake you can make would |
| of their children. | | | | be to have a lengthy goodbye. The second |
| 4. Significant disruptions or fear around | | | | biggest mistake, which is similar, is to ask lots of |
| relationships with parents. | | | | preparatory questions and offer a huge |
| During times of separation and divorce, there | | | | explanation (over and over again) before a |
| may be legal or logistical reasons that produce a | | | | transition occurs. |
| significant disruption in the relationship between a | | | | Both of these are certain to lead to failure, as |
| child and a parent. When children experience a | | | | they communicate your sense of uncertainty |
| sense of deep loss or fear of a permanent loss | | | | about whether or not your child can handle this. |
| with a parent, they may begin to behave in | | | | 5) Don't engage the (repeated) upsets. |
| compensating ways. | | | | Every daycare and elementary teacher knows |
| 5. When parents let adult fear become their | | | | this. When your child walks into the classroom and |
| children's fear. | | | | starts to sob, they ask you to leave and walk |
| When parents are afraid that their children "can't | | | | away with a quick goodbye. Within five minutes, |
| handle it," they often communicate this to their | | | | all is well and life goes on. |
| kids. They don't do so directly...they do so with | | | | That teacher has learned that they can't keep |
| their own emotional reactions and the tone in their | | | | giving lots of energy to the upset. If they do, the |
| voice. They do it with the questions they ask. | | | | upset gets worse. Instead, they redirect your |
| They do it with the way in which they keep | | | | child to the other kids, and walk away. |
| endlessly probing and asking about a child's | | | | |