| It's perfectly normal to get angry with your kids | | | | myself! Do something physical to release your |
| -because kids know just what buttons to push | | | | charged -up emotions. Don?t be reckless or |
| and they push them! | | | | dangerous to yourself or your child. Just step |
| I think as a parent and as a professional parent | | | | back, breathe deeply and slowly and find what |
| coach, it helps to accept that anger is an honest | | | | suits you and experiment with it - you can even |
| emotion, but it?s what you choose to do with | | | | make yourself laugh after you look or sound |
| your anger that?s important. | | | | ridiculous - which is great way to change your |
| If you don?t express your anger and you | | | | state too. |
| suppress it, it can lead to frustration, resentment, | | | | Don?t be afraid to let your anger take its natural |
| bitterness, a sense of hopelessness and | | | | course - there?s no need to feel guilt and shame |
| depression which is not a good thing for you or | | | | because your thoughts are your feelings in action |
| your children long term | | | | or motion. That?s why some people describe |
| Resentment builds walls between your children. | | | | them as e-motion. |
| So, how do you handle your anger and release | | | | Your anger can be a really positive opportunity to |
| your temper healthily? | | | | serve a purpose to find out what?s really |
| Well, one way is to press your internal and | | | | worrying you deep down. Just stop and ask |
| imaginary ?pause button? like the one on your | | | | yourself ?What am I so angry about?? You will |
| DVD and ask yourself ?What exactly am I | | | | get clarity from asking that question which will |
| annoyed about?? This helps you step back from | | | | help you identify what you?d like to change. It?s |
| the situation that you find yourself in -immediately | | | | usually something small that can make a big |
| distancing you and getting you back in control and | | | | difference in your life and help you move forward |
| helping to calm you down. | | | | -not stay stuck. |
| You will probably discover that you get wound up | | | | Once you?ve expressed your anger about the |
| by the same things over and over again and this | | | | behaviour that you don?t like in your child, never |
| is a great opportunity to ask yourself another | | | | use a personal vitriolic attack as it damages your |
| empowering question. | | | | child?s self esteem, do your best to forgive your |
| ?What would I like to see happen in a perfect | | | | child and to forgive yourself - have a hug, say |
| world?? as this helps you start focusing on a new | | | | sorry and move on to learn the lesson from the |
| solution to your frustration. Relax and start to | | | | experience. |
| breathe slowly and deeply as this too takes the | | | | Maybe you?re a person who?s been angry for a |
| edge out of the anger and get very, very specific | | | | major part of your life or for a long time. I call |
| about what it is you want to see happen - this | | | | this ?habitual anger? because you?ve got used to |
| gives you clarity and direction and helps you pass | | | | behaving in this way so it?s become a habit. |
| this on to your children who don?t often | | | | Habitual anger is trying to tell you something - ask |
| understand what exactly it is you want them to | | | | yourself some better questions - questions that |
| do. | | | | empower you and give you an insight into |
| Also ask yourself ?Is my attitude moving me | | | | yourself: |
| closer to or further away from the relationship I | | | | ? Why am I choosing to be angry all the time? |
| want with my children long term?? | | | | ? What am I doing to create these situations time |
| This question takes you immediately out of the | | | | and time again? |
| mundane and humdrum into the bigger picture to | | | | ? What is it that?s making me angry? |
| your parenting. It immediately changes your | | | | ? Who am I really angry at? |
| perspective which is extremely powerful and | | | | ? What do I believe about my life that causes all |
| helpful. | | | | these frustrations? |
| Another positive step to take is to talk openly | | | | ? Is this the only way I can react to life? |
| and honestly to your child about how you are | | | | ? What could I do differently? |
| feeling and to release your pent up emotion - you | | | | ? How could I feel more in control of my life? |
| can say something like: | | | | Being permanently angry isn't good for you. So |
| ?I?m tired telling you this over and over again | | | | it?s really a great relief when you start to |
| because I feel??? | | | | understand what?s causing it and start to make |
| ?I?m angry with you because ?..? | | | | some small changes to help you feel more in |
| ?I?m hurt because you did?..? | | | | control of your life generally. It?s recognising that |
| This teaches your child about empathy and | | | | by asking yourself better questions you can start |
| immediately takes the emotional charge out of | | | | to find some new answers. |
| your own energy and frustration. | | | | Many women and particularly Mums have been |
| If you feel like screaming and shouting at your | | | | taught that to be angry was something bad and |
| kids then your own anger has been building up for | | | | unacceptable and that to lose your temper meant |
| a long time. | | | | you were a ?Bad Person? or a ?Bad Parent.? So, |
| A helpful strategy to explore is talking to a mirror. | | | | many Mums have learnt to feel guilty and to |
| Get a mirror and imagine talking to the other | | | | swallow their anger rather than express it |
| person as if they were looking at you in that | | | | healthily. |
| mirror. Imagine them sitting calmly, attentively and | | | | This is an unhealthy way to handle your anger as |
| in a relaxed state listening to you properly. Tell | | | | it can turn inwards and make you feel unhappy, |
| them exactly how you feel - pour out your heart | | | | helpless, stuck, depressed and generally out of |
| - speak truthfully - explain all the frustration, | | | | control of your life. So acknowledge that it?s |
| anger, hurt or disappointment. Imagine a rainbow | | | | perfectly normal to lose your temper sometimes |
| bridging the gap of misunderstanding. | | | | and find a strategy or technique that suits you to |
| The important aspect of these different | | | | release it safely. |
| techniques is to get all your feelings out in a safe | | | | You are a role model for your children in |
| and healthy way. | | | | everything that you do so teach them how to |
| Some people hit pillows, bounce on the bed, hit | | | | handle anger and frustration healthily and talk |
| golf balls in the garden or go for a long hard walk | | | | about it with them. |
| round the block - I have even been known to go | | | | What better gift can you give your children? |
| into a cupboard and have a good swear to | | | | |