| It's perfectly normal to get angry with your | | | | swear to myself! Do something physical to |
| kids -because kids know just what buttons to | | | | release your charged -up emotions. Don?t be |
| push and they push them! | | | | reckless or dangerous to yourself or your |
| | | | child. Just step back, breathe deeply and |
| I think as a parent and as a professional | | | | slowly and find what suits you and experiment |
| parent coach, it helps to accept that anger | | | | with it - you can even make yourself laugh |
| is an honest emotion, but it?s what you | | | | after you look or sound ridiculous - which is |
| choose to do with your anger that?s | | | | great way to change your state too. |
| important. | | | | |
| | | | Don?t be afraid to let your anger take its |
| If you don?t express your anger and you | | | | natural course - there?s no need to feel |
| suppress it, it can lead to frustration, | | | | guilt and shame because your thoughts are |
| resentment, bitterness, a sense of | | | | your feelings in action or motion. That?s why |
| hopelessness and depression which is not a | | | | some people describe them as e-motion. |
| good thing for you or your children long term | | | | |
| | | | Your anger can be a really positive |
| Resentment builds walls between your | | | | opportunity to serve a purpose to find out |
| children. | | | | what?s really worrying you deep down. Just |
| | | | stop and ask yourself ?What am I so angry |
| So, how do you handle your anger and release | | | | about?? You will get clarity from asking that |
| your temper healthily? | | | | question which will help you identify what |
| | | | you?d like to change. It?s usually something |
| Well, one way is to press your internal and | | | | small that can make a big difference in your |
| imaginary ?pause button? like the one on your | | | | life and help you move forward -not stay |
| DVD and ask yourself ?What exactly am I | | | | stuck. |
| annoyed about?? This helps you step back from | | | | |
| the situation that you find yourself in | | | | Once you?ve expressed your anger about the |
| -immediately distancing you and getting you | | | | behaviour that you don?t like in your child, |
| back in control and helping to calm you down. | | | | never use a personal vitriolic attack as it |
| | | | damages your child?s self esteem, do your |
| You will probably discover that you get wound | | | | best to forgive your child and to forgive |
| up by the same things over and over again and | | | | yourself - have a hug, say sorry and move on |
| this is a great opportunity to ask yourself | | | | to learn the lesson from the experience. |
| another empowering question. | | | | |
| | | | Maybe you?re a person who?s been angry for a |
| ?What would I like to see happen in a perfect | | | | major part of your life or for a long time. I |
| world?? as this helps you start focusing on a | | | | call this ?habitual anger? because you?ve got |
| new solution to your frustration. Relax and | | | | used to behaving in this way so it?s become a |
| start to breathe slowly and deeply as this | | | | habit. |
| too takes the edge out of the anger and get | | | | |
| very, very specific about what it is you want | | | | Habitual anger is trying to tell you |
| to see happen - this gives you clarity and | | | | something - ask yourself some better |
| direction and helps you pass this on to your | | | | questions - questions that empower you and |
| children who don?t often understand what | | | | give you an insight into yourself: |
| exactly it is you want them to do. | | | | |
| | | | ? Why am I choosing to be angry all the time? |
| Also ask yourself ?Is my attitude moving me | | | | |
| closer to or further away from the | | | | ? What am I doing to create these situations |
| relationship I want with my children long | | | | time and time again? |
| term?? | | | | |
| | | | ? What is it that?s making me angry? |
| This question takes you immediately out of | | | | |
| the mundane and humdrum into the bigger | | | | ? Who am I really angry at? |
| picture to your parenting. It immediately | | | | |
| changes your perspective which is extremely | | | | ? What do I believe about my life that causes |
| powerful and helpful. | | | | all these frustrations? |
| | | | |
| Another positive step to take is to talk | | | | ? Is this the only way I can react to life? |
| openly and honestly to your child about how | | | | |
| you are feeling and to release your pent up | | | | ? What could I do differently? |
| emotion - you can say something like: | | | | |
| | | | ? How could I feel more in control of my |
| ?I?m tired telling you this over and over | | | | life? |
| again because I feel??? | | | | |
| | | | Being permanently angry isn't good for you. |
| ?I?m angry with you because ?..? | | | | So it?s really a great relief when you start |
| | | | to understand what?s causing it and start to |
| ?I?m hurt because you did?..? | | | | make some small changes to help you feel more |
| | | | in control of your life generally. It?s |
| This teaches your child about empathy and | | | | recognising that by asking yourself better |
| immediately takes the emotional charge out of | | | | questions you can start to find some new |
| your own energy and frustration. | | | | answers. |
| | | | |
| If you feel like screaming and shouting at | | | | Many women and particularly Mums have been |
| your kids then your own anger has been | | | | taught that to be angry was something bad and |
| building up for a long time. | | | | unacceptable and that to lose your temper |
| | | | meant you were a ?Bad Person? or a ?Bad |
| A helpful strategy to explore is talking to a | | | | Parent.? So, many Mums have learnt to feel |
| mirror. Get a mirror and imagine talking to | | | | guilty and to swallow their anger rather than |
| the other person as if they were looking at | | | | express it healthily. |
| you in that mirror. Imagine them sitting | | | | |
| calmly, attentively and in a relaxed state | | | | This is an unhealthy way to handle your anger |
| listening to you properly. Tell them exactly | | | | as it can turn inwards and make you feel |
| how you feel - pour out your heart - speak | | | | unhappy, helpless, stuck, depressed and |
| truthfully - explain all the frustration, | | | | generally out of control of your life. So |
| anger, hurt or disappointment. Imagine a | | | | acknowledge that it?s perfectly normal to |
| rainbow bridging the gap of misunderstanding. | | | | lose your temper sometimes and find a |
| | | | strategy or technique that suits you to |
| The important aspect of these different | | | | release it safely. |
| techniques is to get all your feelings out in | | | | |
| a safe and healthy way. | | | | You are a role model for your children in |
| | | | everything that you do so teach them how to |
| Some people hit pillows, bounce on the bed, | | | | handle anger and frustration healthily and |
| hit golf balls in the garden or go for a long | | | | talk about it with them. |
| hard walk round the block - I have even been | | | | |
| known to go into a cupboard and have a good | | | | What better gift can you give your children? |