| Dear Tonja,I need some dating advice. I am a | | | | loves you back. You deserve someone wonderful. |
| 57-year-old woman and the guy I am seeing is | | | | You deserve a man you are attracted to who |
| 60. He just got out of divorce number four. He is | | | | shares your values, and who is loyal, tender, kind, |
| wealthy and has moved a 35-year-old into his | | | | and accomplished. If you do not feel you deserve |
| house as his girlfriend. I live in another city and he | | | | such a man, look for a counselor or a coach.*Age. |
| says he wants both of us in his life. He is older | | | | Women are sensitive about age. We are acutely |
| than her mother or her father. Is there something | | | | aware that men can and often do choose |
| wrong with him?Signed, | | | | younger women for mates. However, not ALL |
| Terribly HurtDear Hurt,You are not alone in your | | | | men choose someone younger, and for those |
| pain. As improbable as it sounds, we can all find | | | | men who are only looking for youth, you don't |
| ourselves in this same predicament. We can get | | | | want them. Breeze on by this type of person. |
| cornered and think we have few or no choices. | | | | Focus on what you can do, on whom you can |
| We think there is only one job or one school or | | | | find, and let go of what is never going to be.*Role |
| one house for us. In your case...it's this one man. | | | | Models. Somewhere, you absorbed a role model |
| You can't see your options or your opportunities | | | | and a belief that says men are in charge of your |
| and therefore, look to see what is wrong with | | | | life and your happiness. The reality is, you can be |
| him, as if he would or could change his behavior | | | | in charge of your destiny if you shift this |
| for you.Let's look at what you are | | | | thought.*Choices. If you felt you had more |
| saying:DenialYou think you are in love with a man | | | | choices in men, would you want this man in your |
| who has another much younger woman living with | | | | life? When we shrink our life down to zero |
| him? First, your relationship is not mutual. If you | | | | possibilities, we obsess over trying to make |
| accept this arrangement, you are acting more like | | | | something work with someone unsuitable. A |
| a mother to him than as an equal. And why would | | | | perceived lack of choices can make you hold |
| you want to be with someone who treats you so | | | | on.Why cling to a relationship that makes you feel |
| badly?DeceptionObviously, this man has been | | | | bad when there is a world of opportunity waiting |
| deceiving you, to string you along as if you | | | | for you? You can't get boxed into a corner |
| matter to him and then to live with someone else. | | | | thinking you only have one hand to play. As the |
| You are deceiving yourself if you think he can | | | | old song goes..."You gotta know when to hold 'em, |
| care about you in any deep abiding way. What is | | | | and know when to fold 'em..."You can do |
| it you want from him? Do you look for a | | | | it.TonjaVisit or for more tips, skills, and insight on |
| committed relationship with him when he shows | | | | dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to |
| you he cannot give you loyalty and | | | | our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master |
| exclusiveness?Self-worthYour relationship with | | | | single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, |
| yourself is what I call D.A.R.C. This is an acronym | | | | Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. |
| for the following:*Deserving. You are acting like | | | | (Please note source if reprinting this article. |
| you don't deserve a great love in your life who | | | | |