| A lot of stress is caused in our lives in the pursuit | | | | "What should I do?" and "What will they think?" or |
| of trying to keep other people happy, especially | | | | "What do I have to do?". I guarantee the types |
| our family. This addiction reaches its peak around | | | | of questions we ask ourself will determine the |
| Christmas time. We have parents trying to keep | | | | type of Christmas we experience! |
| their young children happy and older kids who | | | | A word of care, in this process of being true to |
| have left home trying to keep their parents | | | | ourselves at no point does this mean we need to |
| happy. Everybody wants to be happy and wants | | | | be disrespectful or dismissive of those we are |
| everybody else to be happy, so great lengths are | | | | communicating with. Just because we are letting |
| taken to ensure everyone is being treated "fairly". | | | | go of trying to keep people happy does not |
| The tragic thing about everyone trying so hard to | | | | mean we throw gratitude and kindness out the |
| keep each other happy around Christmas is that | | | | window. When communicating our decisions with |
| this process often results in a lot of stressed, | | | | others it's always essential that it is done with the |
| disappointed and unhappy people. That's right, it | | | | utmost of courtesy and respect. |
| doesn't actually work! This pursuit of trying to | | | | On a lighter note, the fantastic thing about |
| keep people happy is based on a misleading idea | | | | pursuing a different path, where we are just |
| that we are responsible for other's emotions, and | | | | being true to what feels right, is it gives everyone |
| that we have some control over how other | | | | in our family the permission to do the same. We |
| people feel. If someone really wants to be | | | | can say to our relatives and extended family, "I |
| unhappy it doesn't matter what we do they will | | | | would love for you to do what feels right for you |
| be unhappy. Likewise if someone wants to be | | | | around Christmas". So it really is about setting |
| happy it doesn't matter what we do they will be | | | | everyone free to do what is true for them, |
| happy. | | | | without trying to make other people agree with |
| So if we are choosing to let go of the idea of | | | | what feels right for you. Instead of trying to |
| trying to keep each other happy, what do we | | | | control others and defending ourselves we can |
| replace it with? My experience after seven years | | | | simply celebrate difference and explore how |
| of coaching is that the most beneficial | | | | these differences can live side by side around |
| replacement is to shift our focus onto what feels | | | | Christmas time. |
| true for us, using our intuition instead of our | | | | So if you are looking for a more relaxed and |
| expectations and judgements, to guide us. In | | | | enjoyable Christmas this year, let go of the idea |
| order to make this shift we need to ask | | | | of trying to keep people happy and replace it with |
| ourselves questions such as "What feels natural to | | | | simply engaging fully with what feels right for you. |
| me?" or "What feels right/true" and let go of | | | | If everyone does this we may end up with a |
| questions that move us into judgement such as | | | | more peaceful Christmas time. |