| A first-rate communicator discerns how to deal | | | | between themselves and know that action is |
| with conflict. His goal is not to eliminate conflict but | | | | crucial. Like the others, this is merely a provisional |
| to control it in such a way that it brings about | | | | answer. This dispute returns, perhaps in a more |
| evolution and constructive outcome. We all have | | | | powerful form. |
| our personal ways of dealing with conflict, our | | | | Savvy Negotiator: This person hunts for |
| own methods of handling trying situations. How do | | | | consensus and works assiduously to get it. |
| you control conflict to minimize risks and | | | | Negotiation works best when all parties have |
| maximize benefits? How can you handle conflict in | | | | problem-solving skills. Negotiators work to |
| a way that boosts your growth potential? The | | | | discover methods satisfactory to both parties |
| following iterates different ways we cope with | | | | while keeping objectives and values intact. This is |
| conflict in a small assembly: | | | | the best tonic for communication breakdown. |
| Mr. Avoider: Several people strive for detachment | | | | The first aim in resolving friction is to deal |
| because they are awkward with anger in any | | | | constructively with the emotions involved. Keep in |
| form. Sometimes their evasion creates conflict or | | | | mind that you should regard the other person |
| makes a frenzied situation worse. Evasion can be | | | | with respect, listen until you "experience the other |
| of advantage to you if you are not part of the | | | | side," and to convet your views, needs and |
| predicament or part of the solution. It is not | | | | emotions. Though talking may trigger conflict, it is |
| always your duty to "fix" every conflict that | | | | also the only means of deciding it. |
| arises in your home or workplace. | | | | Discussion can focus on defining the crisis by |
| Madame Accommodator: The Accommodator | | | | saying, "I hear…" looking for agreement by |
| tries to keep everyone happy. This person's | | | | saying, "I agree …"; understanding feelings |
| objective is shallow harmony, not necessarily an | | | | "I understand …"; and stating views calmly. |
| equitable resolution of the discord. | | | | "I think…" Several people plunge headlong |
| Accommodation is favored when the concerns | | | | into conflict without determining if their timing is |
| are minor or when the relationship would be | | | | right to work out the situation. Others forget to |
| irreparably spoiled because tempers are too hot. | | | | set the stipulations for the conflict. Many jump |
| Here the solution is only passing. | | | | into a conflict without knowing if the other person |
| Stealthy Compromiser: The Compromiser tenders | | | | assents to the terms. |
| a solution which, at first glance, appears to settle | | | | Deploying the method described above promotes |
| conflict. Nonetheless, both sides are left disgruntled | | | | the genuine and direct expression of feelings by |
| because both yield something they wanted. | | | | one person at a time. As emotions are articulated, |
| Compromise works best when time is fleeting | | | | heard and acknowledged, they are transient. |
| and both parties benefit. But it's a less than ideal | | | | When they are not expressed, heard or |
| situation because everyone loses something. | | | | acknowledged, they fester. This style can rapidly |
| Aggressive Competitor: For the Competitor, | | | | neutralize emotions so divergence can be |
| discord is a fun game. Power gets this person's | | | | discussed more fruitfully. |
| interest. The competitive approach is greatest | | | | Warmly. |
| when all parties distinguish the power relationship | | | | |