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Control Anger by Changing Perspective

"Achieving tranquility is a matter of took her friend's spot - so there. She
simply changing perspectives..." Raeleen turned to me with a smile on her face and
D'Agostino Mautner asked "Does your stomach go into knots
How often have you experienced one of the every time you watch them too? I get so
following? nervous for him that I can't even stay in
* Things seem to be going okay and then my seat."
something happens that completely changes In a matter of seconds, from my
how you're feeling and throws your life perspective this woman went from being
into some level of chaos or upset; or, extremely rude to being just another mom
* You're in a relatively good mood until who wanted to see her son have a great
something occurs or someone says competition and who cared so much that it
something that instantly annoys or angers made her anxious. We talked for a while
you and the good mood flies out the and it turned out she only lives twenty
window. minutes away from me, that her son used
Often it may seem that you're stuck in a to attend the same gym as my son, and she
pattern where it only takes seconds for seemed to be a really nice person.
you to go from happy and peaceful to So what happened? Once I spoke with her,
angry and stressed because of some event, my perspective changed - B, "my belief"
whether it's something that happens or changed. I had new understanding and I
some way that another person acts toward was able to let go of my anger and
you. annoyance immediately.
But it doesn't have to be that way. You But by keeping a more open mind I could
can shift that pattern by keeping an open have done this right away when I felt the
mind and changing your perspective - first twinge of annoyance. With the same
changing what you think about the situation (woman standing in front of
problematic event. me), all I needed to do to change my bad
There's a simple 3-part equation that feeling (C) was to change my way of
helps this make sense. I've seen various looking at the situation (B) from she's
authors describe it in different ways, rude to maybe she can't see her child or
and I'll describe two of them here. maybe the bleachers are uncomfortable.
In her book Living La Dolce Vita: Bring This more open mindset would have helped
the Passion, Laughter and Serenity of keep my negative emotions in check -
Italy into Your Daily Life, Raeleen although then I might not have had the
D'Agostino Mautner describes a three-part opportunity to talk with such a lovely
paradigm for overriding negative emotions person.
where: Another very similar way to look at this
A + B = C equation is from Jack Canfield's The
A = the negative event, Success Principles(TM): How to Get from
B = your belief about the event, and Where You Are to Where You Want to Be:
C = the emotional consequence of the E + R = O
belief. E = the negative event,
Based on this idea, if you shift your R = your reaction to the event, and
belief (B) - your perspective - about the O = the outcome.
event (A), then you change how you end up This makes it easy to see that by
feeling (C). reacting differently to an event or
I'll give you an example. I was at a challenge - changing your perspective -
sporting event where I was watching my you can change the outcomes that you
son compete. Seating was limited, but I experience in life for the better.
got a spot on the gym floor from which I It doesn't matter which of these
could see - that is until two people equations you choose to use. Use the one
stood directly in front of me (A, the that is clearer and easier for you to
"event"). My immediate thoughts were that apply. Each equation points to the fact
these were the rudest people on the face that by changing your belief or manner of
of the planet (B, my "belief"). And then reacting (your perspective), you can
I was feeling angry and annoyed (C, the change the end result of an event. You
"emotional consequence"), and I was no can bring more tranquility and inner
longer really enjoying the sporting peace into your life just by changing
event. your perspective because it's often your
After a while, one offender walked away perspective rather than the situation
and I decided to stake my territory. I itself that makes you feel bad.
moved up next to the remaining woman and




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