| "Achieving tranquility is a matter of simply | | | | spot - so there. She turned to me with a smile on |
| changing perspectives..." Raeleen D'Agostino | | | | her face and asked "Does your stomach go into |
| Mautner | | | | knots every time you watch them too? I get so |
| How often have you experienced one of the | | | | nervous for him that I can't even stay in my |
| following? | | | | seat." |
| * Things seem to be going okay and then | | | | In a matter of seconds, from my perspective this |
| something happens that completely changes how | | | | woman went from being extremely rude to being |
| you're feeling and throws your life into some level | | | | just another mom who wanted to see her son |
| of chaos or upset; or, | | | | have a great competition and who cared so much |
| * You're in a relatively good mood until something | | | | that it made her anxious. We talked for a while |
| occurs or someone says something that instantly | | | | and it turned out she only lives twenty minutes |
| annoys or angers you and the good mood flies | | | | away from me, that her son used to attend the |
| out the window. | | | | same gym as my son, and she seemed to be a |
| Often it may seem that you're stuck in a pattern | | | | really nice person. |
| where it only takes seconds for you to go from | | | | So what happened? Once I spoke with her, my |
| happy and peaceful to angry and stressed | | | | perspective changed - B, "my belief" changed. I |
| because of some event, whether it's something | | | | had new understanding and I was able to let go |
| that happens or some way that another person | | | | of my anger and annoyance immediately. |
| acts toward you. | | | | But by keeping a more open mind I could have |
| But it doesn't have to be that way. You can shift | | | | done this right away when I felt the first twinge |
| that pattern by keeping an open mind and | | | | of annoyance. With the same situation (woman |
| changing your perspective - changing what you | | | | standing in front of me), all I needed to do to |
| think about the problematic event. | | | | change my bad feeling (C) was to change my |
| There's a simple 3-part equation that helps this | | | | way of looking at the situation (B) from she's |
| make sense. I've seen various authors describe it | | | | rude to maybe she can't see her child or maybe |
| in different ways, and I'll describe two of them | | | | the bleachers are uncomfortable. This more open |
| here. | | | | mindset would have helped keep my negative |
| In her book Living La Dolce Vita: Bring the Passion, | | | | emotions in check - although then I might not |
| Laughter and Serenity of Italy into Your Daily Life, | | | | have had the opportunity to talk with such a |
| Raeleen D'Agostino Mautner describes a | | | | lovely person. |
| three-part paradigm for overriding negative | | | | Another very similar way to look at this equation |
| emotions where: | | | | is from Jack Canfield's The Success Principles(TM): |
| A + B = C | | | | How to Get from Where You Are to Where You |
| A = the negative event, | | | | Want to Be: |
| B = your belief about the event, and | | | | E + R = O |
| C = the emotional consequence of the belief. | | | | E = the negative event, |
| Based on this idea, if you shift your belief (B) - | | | | R = your reaction to the event, and |
| your perspective - about the event (A), then you | | | | O = the outcome. |
| change how you end up feeling (C). | | | | This makes it easy to see that by reacting |
| I'll give you an example. I was at a sporting event | | | | differently to an event or challenge - changing |
| where I was watching my son compete. Seating | | | | your perspective - you can change the outcomes |
| was limited, but I got a spot on the gym floor | | | | that you experience in life for the better. |
| from which I could see - that is until two people | | | | It doesn't matter which of these equations you |
| stood directly in front of me (A, the "event"). My | | | | choose to use. Use the one that is clearer and |
| immediate thoughts were that these were the | | | | easier for you to apply. Each equation points to |
| rudest people on the face of the planet (B, my | | | | the fact that by changing your belief or manner |
| "belief"). And then I was feeling angry and | | | | of reacting (your perspective), you can change |
| annoyed (C, the "emotional consequence"), and I | | | | the end result of an event. You can bring more |
| was no longer really enjoying the sporting event. | | | | tranquility and inner peace into your life just by |
| After a while, one offender walked away and I | | | | changing your perspective because it's often your |
| decided to stake my territory. I moved up next | | | | perspective rather than the situation itself that |
| to the remaining woman and took her friend's | | | | makes you feel bad. |