| "Achieving tranquility is a matter of simply | | | | next to the remaining woman and took her |
| changing perspectives..." Raeleen D'Agostino | | | | friend's spot - so there. She turned to me |
| Mautner | | | | with a smile on her face and asked "Does your |
| | | | stomach go into knots every time you watch |
| How often have you experienced one of the | | | | them too? I get so nervous for him that I |
| following? | | | | can't even stay in my seat." |
| | | | |
| * Things seem to be going okay and then | | | | In a matter of seconds, from my perspective |
| something happens that completely changes how | | | | this woman went from being extremely rude to |
| you're feeling and throws your life into some | | | | being just another mom who wanted to see her |
| level of chaos or upset; or, | | | | son have a great competition and who cared so |
| | | | much that it made her anxious. We talked for |
| * You're in a relatively good mood until | | | | a while and it turned out she only lives |
| something occurs or someone says something | | | | twenty minutes away from me, that her son |
| that instantly annoys or angers you and the | | | | used to attend the same gym as my son, and |
| good mood flies out the window. | | | | she seemed to be a really nice person. |
| | | | |
| Often it may seem that you're stuck in a | | | | So what happened? Once I spoke with her, my |
| pattern where it only takes seconds for you | | | | perspective changed - B, "my belief" changed. |
| to go from happy and peaceful to angry and | | | | I had new understanding and I was able to let |
| stressed because of some event, whether it's | | | | go of my anger and annoyance immediately. |
| something that happens or some way that | | | | |
| another person acts toward you. | | | | But by keeping a more open mind I could have |
| | | | done this right away when I felt the first |
| But it doesn't have to be that way. You can | | | | twinge of annoyance. With the same situation |
| shift that pattern by keeping an open mind | | | | (woman standing in front of me), all I needed |
| and changing your perspective - changing what | | | | to do to change my bad feeling (C) was to |
| you think about the problematic event. | | | | change my way of looking at the situation (B) |
| | | | from she's rude to maybe she can't see her |
| There's a simple 3-part equation that helps | | | | child or maybe the bleachers are |
| this make sense. I've seen various authors | | | | uncomfortable. This more open mindset would |
| describe it in different ways, and I'll | | | | have helped keep my negative emotions in |
| describe two of them here. | | | | check - although then I might not have had |
| | | | the opportunity to talk with such a lovely |
| In her book Living La Dolce Vita: Bring the | | | | person. |
| Passion, Laughter and Serenity of Italy into | | | | |
| Your Daily Life, Raeleen D'Agostino Mautner | | | | Another very similar way to look at this |
| describes a three-part paradigm for | | | | equation is from Jack Canfield's The Success |
| overriding negative emotions where: | | | | Principles(TM): How to Get from Where You Are |
| | | | to Where You Want to Be: |
| A + B = C | | | | |
| | | | E + R = O |
| A = the negative event, | | | | |
| | | | E = the negative event, |
| B = your belief about the event, and | | | | |
| | | | R = your reaction to the event, and |
| C = the emotional consequence of the belief. | | | | |
| | | | O = the outcome. |
| Based on this idea, if you shift your belief | | | | |
| (B) - your perspective - about the event (A), | | | | This makes it easy to see that by reacting |
| then you change how you end up feeling (C). | | | | differently to an event or challenge - |
| | | | changing your perspective - you can change |
| I'll give you an example. I was at a sporting | | | | the outcomes that you experience in life for |
| event where I was watching my son compete. | | | | the better. |
| Seating was limited, but I got a spot on the | | | | |
| gym floor from which I could see - that is | | | | It doesn't matter which of these equations |
| until two people stood directly in front of | | | | you choose to use. Use the one that is |
| me (A, the "event"). My immediate thoughts | | | | clearer and easier for you to apply. Each |
| were that these were the rudest people on the | | | | equation points to the fact that by changing |
| face of the planet (B, my "belief"). And then | | | | your belief or manner of reacting (your |
| I was feeling angry and annoyed (C, the | | | | perspective), you can change the end result |
| "emotional consequence"), and I was no longer | | | | of an event. You can bring more tranquility |
| really enjoying the sporting event. | | | | and inner peace into your life just by |
| | | | changing your perspective because it's often |
| After a while, one offender walked away and I | | | | your perspective rather than the situation |
| decided to stake my territory. I moved up | | | | itself that makes you feel bad. |