ࡱ> 8:7[ x bjbj *jjcl8888888l>>>8v  l "` b b b b b b $  b 8 88 88` ` P` 88`  Ll>` ` 0 `  4 ` L^8888 Spoiling [WC51] Caller: I tend to be an enabler for my daughter when she acts negative. I know that if I keep doing it, I know that maybe somehow its going to make her spoiled or think she can always get away. Im just wondering how I can go maybe a different way? Mike Rutherford: Now before they jump in and answer this, tell me, just for me, when you say, Im an enabler, what types of things, what does that look like? If I were to listening and looking at you doing that, what would it look like? Caller: I always bring her to me, you know. Okay come here, sit on the couch with Dad. Tell me what you want and if Dad can get it for you, Ill get it. Mike Rutherford: Hey, Im going to listen carefully, because Im right where Brad is on this one. Sue: I was going to say that sounds just like you, Mike. Do you want to respond to that Barbara? Barbara: I think that is something so many parents do. Its so hard not to because they just know exactly how to manipulate us into that pattern. And this goes back to what Ed was talking about earlier. Its really important to look at yourself and see what youre doing. Remove yourself for a moment and remind yourself not to do that and look for ways when she is behaving to and making you feel good about being with her, that you want to be with you. You let her know that. This feels really good; Im having a great time. Lets do something. Youre rewarding the appropriate behavior. Let her know how good it feels when she is behaving the way she should be behaving. 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