| Date: January 28, 2001 | | | | I can stay calm; he might be a dangerous |
| | | | threat to me. |
| Place: Fashion Island, Newport Beach, | | | | |
| California | | | | Im sure it is not personal; he is cutting me |
| | | | off because he is stressed and in a hurry. |
| The incident: Jane, a middle aged | | | | |
| professional woman had an altercation with | | | | Im not going to radiate and stoop to his or |
| another woman who accosted her after she | | | | her level; there are many reasons for his or |
| refused to give up her parking spot. | | | | her behavior; maybe he just phoned his boss |
| | | | who said he would get fired if not in the |
| Jane clearly reached the coveted spot first, | | | | office in the next ten minutes or he may be |
| but the other woman asked her to move, | | | | reacting to family responsibilities. |
| explaining she was 20 minutes late for a | | | | |
| doctors appointment. At first, Jane thought | | | | Benefits of your new perspective: |
| it was a joke, but before she knew it, the | | | | |
| two women were tussling on the concrete. | | | | Increased tolerance and more understanding of |
| | | | possible reasons for the other drivers bad |
| Most people feel angry in situations when | | | | behavior. |
| someone making outrageous requests of us. | | | | |
| This is because our brains are hardwired to | | | | Resolve not to make his or her problems your |
| react with anger when we are frustrated or | | | | problem. (Remember: it doesnt have to be!) |
| when obstacles prevent us from reaching our | | | | |
| goals. | | | | Understand that getting even to right the |
| | | | wrong of another driver is not justified or |
| Aggressive driving behavior is due, in part, | | | | rational. |
| to a breakdown of an individuals internal | | | | |
| control of their emotions in public places. | | | | Remember that maintaining a hostile attitude |
| | | | on the road is harmful to society innocent |
| Other common driving frustrations and | | | | drivers, their families and their loved ones. |
| irritations that often cause angry feelings | | | | |
| and weakening of control include being: | | | | Example 2: Slow driver: |
| | | | |
| Stuck in traffic while late for an | | | | You are late to an appointment but stuck |
| appointment | | | | behind a gray-haired lady going 15 miles an |
| | | | hour below the speed limit. Your automatic |
| Delayed by a driver going 10 miles an hour | | | | thoughts: Why does this always happen to me? |
| below the speed limit | | | | She is doing this to make me late. Why cant |
| | | | she get out of my way? How inconsiderate she |
| Threatened by driver trying to intimidate you | | | | is! She shouldnt have a drivers license. |
| | | | |
| Getting cut off by a driver | | | | Self-talk options: |
| | | | |
| Gaining control of our emotions and more | | | | She is not driving slowly to make me late; |
| importantly, our behavior is often a matter | | | | she probably isnt even aware of me. |
| of finding a way to change our perspective or | | | | |
| vista of the situation. | | | | Maybe she is old and impaired and doing the |
| | | | best she can. |
| Frequently, what we tell ourselves is so | | | | |
| automatic that we dont even realize what it | | | | Perhaps she just came from the doctors office |
| is we are thinking; yet, our thinking | | | | with bad news and is on the verge of tears. |
| patterns are what make us more angry or calm | | | | |
| us by changing how we experience that which | | | | I cant control how fast she drives so why get |
| is frustrating us. | | | | upset? |
| | | | |
| Example 1: Getting cut off. Someone triggers | | | | Angry feelings are a normal response to |
| anger by cutting you off in traffic; you | | | | driving frustrations. Unfortunately, our |
| automatically tell yourself things like What | | | | automatic thoughts may increase these |
| a jerk; he has no right to do that to me; Im | | | | feelings and cause us to lose control. |
| going to get even; he did that to me on | | | | |
| purpose; why does he disrespect me like that? | | | | Learning different self-talk gives us a |
| How dare he do that to me, etc. | | | | powerful tool to control our negative |
| | | | emotions on the road so we can avoid death, |
| Self-talk alternatives: Instead, try changing | | | | serious injury or legal problems. |
| your self-talk to: | | | | |
| | | | 2005 Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. |