| Date: January 28, 2001 | | | | to me. |
| Place: Fashion Island, Newport Beach, California | | | | Im sure it is not personal; he is cutting me off |
| The incident: Jane, a middle aged professional | | | | because he is stressed and in a hurry. |
| woman had an altercation with another woman | | | | Im not going to radiate and stoop to his or her |
| who accosted her after she refused to give up | | | | level; there are many reasons for his or her |
| her parking spot. | | | | behavior; maybe he just phoned his boss who |
| Jane clearly reached the coveted spot first, but | | | | said he would get fired if not in the office in the |
| the other woman asked her to move, explaining | | | | next ten minutes or he may be reacting to family |
| she was 20 minutes late for a doctors | | | | responsibilities. |
| appointment. At first, Jane thought it was a joke, | | | | Benefits of your new perspective: |
| but before she knew it, the two women were | | | | Increased tolerance and more understanding of |
| tussling on the concrete. | | | | possible reasons for the other drivers bad |
| Most people feel angry in situations when | | | | behavior. |
| someone making outrageous requests of us. This | | | | Resolve not to make his or her problems your |
| is because our brains are hardwired to react with | | | | problem. (Remember: it doesnt have to be!) |
| anger when we are frustrated or when obstacles | | | | Understand that getting even to right the wrong |
| prevent us from reaching our goals. | | | | of another driver is not justified or rational. |
| Aggressive driving behavior is due, in part, to a | | | | Remember that maintaining a hostile attitude on |
| breakdown of an individuals internal control of their | | | | the road is harmful to society innocent drivers, |
| emotions in public places. | | | | their families and their loved ones. |
| Other common driving frustrations and irritations | | | | Example 2: Slow driver: |
| that often cause angry feelings and weakening of | | | | You are late to an appointment but stuck behind |
| control include being: | | | | a gray-haired lady going 15 miles an hour below |
| Stuck in traffic while late for an appointment | | | | the speed limit. Your automatic thoughts: Why |
| Delayed by a driver going 10 miles an hour below | | | | does this always happen to me? She is doing this |
| the speed limit | | | | to make me late. Why cant she get out of my |
| Threatened by driver trying to intimidate you | | | | way? How inconsiderate she is! She shouldnt have |
| Getting cut off by a driver | | | | a drivers license. |
| Gaining control of our emotions and more | | | | Self-talk options: |
| importantly, our behavior is often a matter of | | | | She is not driving slowly to make me late; she |
| finding a way to change our perspective or vista | | | | probably isnt even aware of me. |
| of the situation. | | | | Maybe she is old and impaired and doing the best |
| Frequently, what we tell ourselves is so automatic | | | | she can. |
| that we dont even realize what it is we are | | | | Perhaps she just came from the doctors office |
| thinking; yet, our thinking patterns are what make | | | | with bad news and is on the verge of tears. |
| us more angry or calm us by changing how we | | | | I cant control how fast she drives so why get |
| experience that which is frustrating us. | | | | upset? |
| Example 1: Getting cut off. Someone triggers | | | | Angry feelings are a normal response to driving |
| anger by cutting you off in traffic; you | | | | frustrations. Unfortunately, our automatic thoughts |
| automatically tell yourself things like What a jerk; | | | | may increase these feelings and cause us to lose |
| he has no right to do that to me; Im going to get | | | | control. |
| even; he did that to me on purpose; why does he | | | | Learning different self-talk gives us a powerful |
| disrespect me like that? How dare he do that to | | | | tool to control our negative emotions on the road |
| me, etc. | | | | so we can avoid death, serious injury or legal |
| Self-talk alternatives: Instead, try changing your | | | | problems. |
| self-talk to: | | | | 2005 Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved. |
| I can stay calm; he might be a dangerous threat | | | | |