| Parents want what is best for their children. | | | | these expectations are realistic, too |
| They want their children to be happy, smart, | | | | demanding, or not demanding enough.2. |
| and successful. Educational level and school | | | | Practice acceptance. Know your child and |
| performance serves as the measuring stick. | | | | adjust your expectations. For example, B's |
| Parents believe if a student excels in | | | | may be acceptable in reading because, as the |
| school, s/he will excel in life. Striking a | | | | parent, you know reading has not been easy |
| balance between accepting a child's | | | | for your child since first grade.3. Make it a |
| performance and pushing a child to reach a | | | | point to speak with your kids regularly. |
| higher level can be very difficult. However, | | | | Kids will open up when you least expect it, |
| pushing too hard will impact your child | | | | so always be ready for a conversation. Most |
| negatively.In my tenure as a psychologist and | | | | often, parents have the best conversations |
| coach, I have heard countless middle school | | | | with their children in the car on the way to |
| students say: "What's wrong with a B, they | | | | or from an event (ie soccer practice). Ask |
| expect me to make straight A's", "I hate | | | | them two basic questions: 1)what do you need |
| being the example", "They just want me to get | | | | from me, how can I support you in your school |
| into an IV league college- I'm only in 6th | | | | work? 2) do you feel I put too much pressure |
| grade I don't want to think about college | | | | on you? Most often they will give you honest |
| yet", "They just want to brag to their | | | | feedback and tell you what they need.4. Pay |
| friends". At times, parents can lose sight | | | | attention. Notice any changes in your |
| of how hard they push their kids. In | | | | child's behavior. Pay attention to eating |
| addition, they can be negligent in realizing | | | | and sleeping habits, the kinds of friends |
| the negative impact pushing may have on their | | | | they hang out with, as well as the |
| child's self esteem. Pushing too hard can be | | | | consistency in their grades.5. Speak with |
| internalized as - You're not good enough. | | | | your child's teacher(s) and/or counselor. |
| This message can translate into a number of | | | | Always make it a point to speak with your |
| different behaviors. For example, I have | | | | child's teachers. I recommend a check in |
| worked with children who have shut down and | | | | phone call twice a year. Ask the teacher how |
| given up on academics completely because the | | | | you can be supportive to the academic |
| pressure is too great. In their minds, not | | | | process? Ask the teacher how much help s/he |
| trying and being a failure is a lot better | | | | expects for you to give your child on |
| than trying and being a failure. I also have | | | | homeowork. Furthermore, a good counselor is |
| seen students resort to lieing and cheating | | | | a parent's best resource. Counselors have |
| just to make the grade. These students know | | | | tools and tips to help you be a support |
| it is wrong to cheat or copy their friend's | | | | system to your child.6. Tutor- Tutors can |
| homework; however, the praise and parent | | | | work wonders with children. Tutoring is not |
| satisfaction for bringing home a good report | | | | just for students who are behind. I have |
| far outweighs the guilt and consequences for | | | | seen tutoring have a significant positive |
| getting caught.It is common knowledge that | | | | effect on very bright students. Working with |
| children would rather stay in their comfort | | | | a tutor alleviates some of the pressure, and |
| zones rather than take risks, especially | | | | as a result, bright students shine even |
| academically. It is important for parents to | | | | brighter.7. Relax and Know - that everything |
| set high standards for their children. So | | | | will work out.By taking a balanced and |
| how can a parent maintain a balance between | | | | supportive stance in your child's academic |
| setting "high standards" and putting undue | | | | life, you will ensure that your child will |
| pressure on their child?1. Self Reflect.a) | | | | grow and learn successfully.Peggy Tsatsoulis, |
| Figure out the reasons why it is important | | | | MA CAGS - is a highly sought after |
| for you to push your child. Be honest and | | | | Professional Life Coach and Certified |
| frank with yourself. The reasons may not be | | | | Psychologist with over ten years of |
| pretty at times, but by accepting the ugly, | | | | experience. She has been dedicated to |
| you can let go and make changes.b) Determine | | | | working with individuals to improve the |
| where your child is academically and where | | | | quality of their lives, and her focus has |
| you want them to be. Then reflect on whether | | | | been on bringing out the best in others. |