| Parents want what is best for their children. They | | | | Then reflect on whether these expectations are |
| want their children to be happy, smart, and | | | | realistic, too demanding, or not demanding |
| successful. Educational level and school | | | | enough.2. Practice acceptance. Know your child |
| performance serves as the measuring stick. | | | | and adjust your expectations. For example, B's |
| Parents believe if a student excels in school, s/he | | | | may be acceptable in reading because, as the |
| will excel in life. Striking a balance between | | | | parent, you know reading has not been easy for |
| accepting a child's performance and pushing a child | | | | your child since first grade.3. Make it a point to |
| to reach a higher level can be very difficult. | | | | speak with your kids regularly. Kids will open up |
| However, pushing too hard will impact your child | | | | when you least expect it, so always be ready for |
| negatively.In my tenure as a psychologist and | | | | a conversation. Most often, parents have the best |
| coach, I have heard countless middle school | | | | conversations with their children in the car on the |
| students say: "What's wrong with a B, they | | | | way to or from an event (ie soccer practice). |
| expect me to make straight A's", "I hate being | | | | Ask them two basic questions: 1)what do you |
| the example", "They just want me to get into an | | | | need from me, how can I support you in your |
| IV league college- I'm only in 6th grade I don't | | | | school work? 2) do you feel I put too much |
| want to think about college yet", "They just want | | | | pressure on you? Most often they will give you |
| to brag to their friends". At times, parents can | | | | honest feedback and tell you what they need.4. |
| lose sight of how hard they push their kids. In | | | | Pay attention. Notice any changes in your child's |
| addition, they can be negligent in realizing the | | | | behavior. Pay attention to eating and sleeping |
| negative impact pushing may have on their child's | | | | habits, the kinds of friends they hang out with, as |
| self esteem. Pushing too hard can be internalized | | | | well as the consistency in their grades.5. Speak |
| as - You're not good enough. This message can | | | | with your child's teacher(s) and/or counselor. |
| translate into a number of different behaviors. For | | | | Always make it a point to speak with your child's |
| example, I have worked with children who have | | | | teachers. I recommend a check in phone call |
| shut down and given up on academics completely | | | | twice a year. Ask the teacher how you can be |
| because the pressure is too great. In their minds, | | | | supportive to the academic process? Ask the |
| not trying and being a failure is a lot better than | | | | teacher how much help s/he expects for you to |
| trying and being a failure. I also have seen | | | | give your child on homeowork. Furthermore, a |
| students resort to lieing and cheating just to | | | | good counselor is a parent's best resource. |
| make the grade. These students know it is wrong | | | | Counselors have tools and tips to help you be a |
| to cheat or copy their friend's homework; | | | | support system to your child.6. Tutor- Tutors can |
| however, the praise and parent satisfaction for | | | | work wonders with children. Tutoring is not just |
| bringing home a good report far outweighs the | | | | for students who are behind. I have seen tutoring |
| guilt and consequences for getting caught.It is | | | | have a significant positive effect on very bright |
| common knowledge that children would rather | | | | students. Working with a tutor alleviates some of |
| stay in their comfort zones rather than take | | | | the pressure, and as a result, bright students |
| risks, especially academically. It is important for | | | | shine even brighter.7. Relax and Know - that |
| parents to set high standards for their children. So | | | | everything will work out.By taking a balanced and |
| how can a parent maintain a balance between | | | | supportive stance in your child's academic life, you |
| setting "high standards" and putting undue | | | | will ensure that your child will grow and learn |
| pressure on their child?1. Self Reflect.a) Figure out | | | | successfully.Peggy Tsatsoulis, MA CAGS - is a |
| the reasons why it is important for you to push | | | | highly sought after Professional Life Coach and |
| your child. Be honest and frank with yourself. The | | | | Certified Psychologist with over ten years of |
| reasons may not be pretty at times, but by | | | | experience. She has been dedicated to working |
| accepting the ugly, you can let go and make | | | | with individuals to improve the quality of their |
| changes.b) Determine where your child is | | | | lives, and her focus has been on bringing out the |
| academically and where you want them to be. | | | | best in others. |